If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
