Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
