yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sober January is a disaster.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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