your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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