we have officially lost it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
