Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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