So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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