you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
