I think i peed on brittanys purse
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
