he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
