i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize