It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
