Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
