capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
