So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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