you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
