My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
