the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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