We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize