I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
