I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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