I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
