I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
