did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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