but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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