You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
