trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
