Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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