i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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