Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
