Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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