Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
