I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
