I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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