I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
