My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
