Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
