Joe is yelling at the trees again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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