she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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