I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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