Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's never too late to be topless.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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