Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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