Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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