He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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