There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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