i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
