Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
