He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
