just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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