You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
