Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
