fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
