I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Green mimosas i think yes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
