the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
