forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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