Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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