she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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