Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
