You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
