I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
