I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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