I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
