For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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