dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
