So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
