Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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