i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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