I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
