I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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