I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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