So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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