Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I didn't notice because vodka
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
