so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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