Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
