8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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