Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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