you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
