it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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